-last edited on Jan 29, 2018 1:02:45 GMT by ~DatSpicyPorg~: GAAHHHH! I has wrong grammars!
Post by ~DatSpicyPorg~ on Jan 29, 2018 0:58:46 GMT
I can't wait for Solo: a Star Wars Story to be released! Let's think of all the ways this could go wrong. You just have to think like a writer who treats a storied franchise like a kid playing with his Star Wars toys *cough Rian Johnson cough* and this will be easy.
Here's one: The whole movie is just two hours of Han and Chewie talking at Mos Eisley while the other characters walk by repeatedly. At the end, Ben Kenobi and Luke Skywalker walk up to their table in a CGI cameo. *cue end music*
I can't wait for Solo: a Star Wars Story to be released! Let's think of all the ways this could go wrong. You just have to think like a writer who treats a storied franchise like a kid playing with his Star Wars toys *cough Rian Johnson cough* and this will be easy.
Here's one: The whole movie is just two hours of Han and Chewie talking at Mos Eisley while the other characters walk by repeatedly. At the end, Ben Kenobi and Luke Skywalker walk up to their table in a CGI cameo. *cue end music*
I don't appreciate the Johnson hate, but I do like your awful Solo plot. I'll have some fun with this.
We open with a sudden blast of music (like in Rogue One), the planet Kessel is visbile
We then learn that ( ) Han Solo's real name is Fred Amidala and he is actually Padme's fourth cousin once removed!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1
He meets Lando who tells him to get lost but accidentally throws him the keys to the Millennium Falcon while violently gesturing for him to go away. This is the only scene that Lando is in. Also in this scene is an obligatory cameo from C-3PO and R2-D2. They aren't supposed to be there, however, so Threepio says "I have a bad feeling about this." Then a random alien kicks over Artoo who lets out a Wilhelm Scream.
Han flies away on the Falcon because he felt like it. He accidentally crash-lands on Kashyyyk where he meets Chewbacca. Chewbacca instantly becomes his friend for no reason at all.
The pair then flies away to do the Kessel Run for fun. Except you don't actually see the Kessel Run, who wants that? Instead, there is a 42-minute buildup to it, then as soon as the Falcon takes off, we cut to it arriving at its destination. "Good job," says Chewbacca, who can now speak English because why not, "we did it in less than 12 parsecs!"
Then Jabba the Hutt slithers up to them along with Max Rebo, Boba Fett, and Bib Fortuna because they are just there. "Han, my bookie," says Jabba, "take all this useless junk to my palace on Tatooine because I'm too lazy to do it myself. I'll pay you 5000 credits." "Sure thing," says Han, who then loads all the stuff onto the Falcon and flies away.
-last edited on Feb 21, 2018 22:52:33 GMT by Z-Whales
Post by Z-Whales on Feb 21, 2018 22:51:56 GMT
*CONtinued from previous post*
Suddenly, a Star Destroyer lightspeeds into view and OMG DARTH VADER IS ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 He says one cool line. Then we cut back to Han, who gets scared and abandons the voyage. The next day, he gets a phone call from Jabba on his iPhone X (only $999.99). "Han, my bookie," he says, "WHERE THE BANTHA POODOO ARE YOU!?!?!?" "Sorry, fam," says Han, "there was a Star Destroyer so I couldn't keep going." "Arrrrrrgh... I paid you to bring it here!" answers Jabba, outraged.
Scared for his life, Han decides to go to Tatooine even though that is where Jabba lives because reasons. On the way, he dumps all of Jabba's useless junk into space for fun. Then he gets to Tatooine and goes to Mos Eisley Cantina to get a drink. We hear Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes playing their classic song "Cantina Band" while Han orders some blue milk. Han leaves Chewbacca at the counter to go find a seat because the place is packed and Chewie can't decide what he wants to drink.
I can't wait for Solo: a Star Wars Story to be released! Let's think of all the ways this could go wrong. You just have to think like a writer who treats a storied franchise like a kid playing with his Star Wars toys *cough Rian Johnson cough* and this will be easy.
Here's one: The whole movie is just two hours of Han and Chewie talking at Mos Eisley while the other characters walk by repeatedly. At the end, Ben Kenobi and Luke Skywalker walk up to their table in a CGI cameo. *cue end music*
If only I knew what Disney's "plot" was. That would obviously be the worst.
Han Solo tries to join the Imperial Navy when he's a young lad, for he has dreams of being a pilot. Fortunately he is quickly disillusioned when he realizes he has to follow rules.
Han gambles the Millenium Falcon off of Lando Calrissian.
Han meets Chewie, somehow.
SCI-FI TRAIN ACTION SEQUENCE!!!
FLYING THROUGH AN ASTEROID BELT ACTION SEQUENCE!
Lot of boring filler sequences.
Fin.
But hey, at least it doesn't seem like from the trailer that they majorly hammed anything up (nevermind the fact that they changed the front of the Millenium Falcon for some reason).
Oh, and at the end: it somehow segways into how he ended up in Mos Eisley, and there's an awful CGI cameo of not Ewen Mcgreggor and not young Mark Hamill that shows up asking him for a ride.
Oh and Han is also CGed, and somehow, so is Chewie.
Inb4 his girlfriend had something to do with the rebellion, and breaks ol' Han's heart at some point.
That or she's just a pointless filler character for Han to stare at.
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) Han Solo's real name is Fred Amidala and he is actually Padme's fourth cousin once removed!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1
