This is a Roleplay / Story made up by ArdentFour and Sawmerlin . . . Enjoy
Part One:
One day the Riders of Rohan decided to go out riding for no reason whatsoever.
Out on the plains of Rohan, they saw King Eomer. He sat on a 2cm x 2cm rock, drinking his 25th cup of tea that had been shipped 45 years bearlier from Gimli Inc.
His soldiers all rode up to their king on their fine horses, hair blowing back in the breeze. Trouble was, they hadn't been out riding with their hair in the breeze for so long, the hair follicles had become weak. Their golden locks were blown out by the roots. So they reached Eomer as bald as vultures.
''Gerout!'' shouted Eomer, stuffing the bag behind a piece of air as the Rohirrim rode up. Eomer had become ultra possessive over the tea.
The Riders clattered to a clumsy halt in front of their ruler, bumping into each other's horses. Their eyes had become glued to the teacup Eomer held and they were all dribbling at the mouth. Rare was the chance of a sip of tea manufactured by Gimli's Inc.
Eomer eyed the soldiers. ''Alright, here you go''! he said, taking a teaspoon engraved with a horse, from the ground. Eomer scooped out some tea with the spoon and handed it to a Rohan soldier. ''Share that between you.''
''Sire is too generous!'' gasped the astounded soldier, cupping his hands to hold the tiny teaspoon. He lifted the utensil high to show his fellow Riders. ''Lo, friends, this is for us to -! OOOOOOGH!'' The soldier suddenly screamed in red-hot fury as a little hand reached up from out of nowhere and grabbed the teaspoon. There was a slurping noise, then the hand gave the teaspoon back. The Riders stared at a short figure, a bit more than half a man's height, which was dabbing its mouth with a hanky.
This is a Roleplay / Story made up by ArdentFour and Sawmerlin . . . Enjoy
Part One:
One day the Riders of Rohan decided to go out riding for no reason whatsoever.
Out on the plains of Rohan, they saw King Eomer. He sat on a 2cm x 2cm rock, drinking his 25th cup of tea that had been shipped 45 years bearlier from Gimli Inc.
His soldiers all rode up to their king on their fine horses, hair blowing back in the breeze. Trouble was, they hadn't been out riding with their hair in the breeze for so long, the hair follicles had become weak. Their golden locks were blown out by the roots. So they reached Eomer as bald as vultures.
''Gerout!'' shouted Eomer, stuffing the bag behind a piece of air as the Rohirrim rode up. Eomer had become ultra possessive over the tea.
The Riders clattered to a clumsy halt in front of their ruler, bumping into each other's horses. Their eyes had become glued to the teacup Eomer held and they were all dribbling at the mouth. Rare was the chance of a sip of tea manufactured by Gimli's Inc.
Eomer eyed the soldiers. ''Alright, here you go''! he said, taking a teaspoon engraved with a horse, from the ground. Eomer scooped out some tea with the spoon and handed it to a Rohan soldier. ''Share that between you.''
''Sire is too generous!'' gasped the astounded soldier, cupping his hands to hold the tiny teaspoon. He lifted the utensil high to show his fellow Riders. ''Lo, friends, this is for us to -! OOOOOOGH!'' The soldier suddenly screamed in red-hot fury as a little hand reached up from out of nowhere and grabbed the teaspoon. There was a slurping noise, then the hand gave the teaspoon back. The Riders stared at a short figure, a bit more than half a man's height, which was dabbing its mouth with a hanky.
This is extremely interesting.....
although he was way way too generous with that tea!! Eowyn should be in charge of the kingdom cause clearly he is way too frivolous.
-last edited on Jun 25, 2019 17:02:16 GMT by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Jun 25, 2019 17:00:56 GMT
Part Two:
Eomer went berserk with possesion over the tea and picking up the bag drew a wooden sword with ''Made in Lorien'' written on its surface. ''Stand back, do not move any closer, thou fiend!'' said he dramatically and waved the sword in front of the person of tiny stature.
''FIEND!?'' the tiny fiend squeaked shrilly, eyes popping, before he pointed at a large red badge he wore in the front pocket of his bright blue jacket. 'MERREEADOCK BWANDYBUCK THE HOBBIT TO YOU, TING EEOMER, AS IT SAYS ON THIS SPECIAL TOKEN YOUR UNCLE GAVE ME BEFORE HE DIED! I AM PERMITTED TO GO WHERE I LIKE IN THESE LANDS - INCLUDING CLOSER!' With that the hobbit moved closer, bit the wooden sword's blade clean off, grabbed the bag of tea and ran off, munching away like a freaky giant woodworm.
''OI!!!!'' shouted Eomer, waving the sword handle and shaking his fist. Turning to the guards he said: ''He can't do dat, can he?''
There was silence from the King's loyal Riders.
''You!'' shouted Eomer, pointing at a random soldier. ''Go and check the rules.''
''Aye-aye, sir!'' barked the weedy (bald) Rider who'd been picked. He rode all the way back to Edoras, picked up a scroll labelled 'Rules of Rohan for Dummies' and rode all the way back with both it and a box of shortbread he thought would put him in the King's favour.
''Hail the Rules of Rohan!'' cried the errand runner - we'll call him Wayne - as he flicked the roll to unravel it.
''Rule Number One!' yelled Wayne. 'No one sits in the presence of the King, nor stands higher than the King, coz he is betterer than the lot of us.' Wayne suddenly grinned awkwardly and looked down at the horse he was sitting on, then at all the other Riders sitting on their horses, then at King Eomer standing way down there, on the ground, below them all. Then he shrugged, still grinning, and carried on.
''Rule Number Two! All Riders must have luvverly long golden locks - no baldness allowed. The punishment for this is life impr - Whoa! Let's skip to the next one, shall we?!!!'' stammered Wayne, hastily. ''Tea-tea-tea-hmm . . . Ah! Here we are, sire!''
''Rule Number Eleventy-One: Tea belongeth to the King and to the King only. As the old song, translated from Elvish verse, tells . . . ''
Tea is luvverly,
Tea is nice,
Tea is for the King!
Yep!''
All the Riders sighed at the depth, the beauty, the simplicity of these words, long-ancient and much-beloved.
After a thoughtful pause, Wayne continued - but his voice was severe. ''And the punishment for taking tea from his Majesty is . . . Oh. Err . . .''
'Yes?'' said Eomer expectantly, eyes bulging. ''What be-eth thy-eth punishmenteth for Rule-eth Eleventy-One?''
Wayne peered at the scroll so hard his squinting eye stuck to the paper. 'Oh, sire! It seems . . . there is no punishment for Rule Eleventy-One!' The shocked soldier prised his eye from the scroll and showed it (the scroll, not his eye) to all and sundry. 'See! Whoever wrote these rules down ... seems to have got fed up.'' He gestured at where the Eleventy-One section just stopped at '...will suffer the punishmentofArghwhocares', just like that.
Eomer went berserk with possesion* over the tea and picking up the bag drew a wooden sword with ''Made in Lorien'' written on its surface. ''Stand back, do not move any closer, thou fiend!'' said he dramatically and waved the sword in front of the person of tiny stature.
''What a nerve,'' said Eomer. ''Who has done this? They shall clean the castle hamster cage.''
''It was written many, many, many hundred miliseconds ago,' said Wayne sadly. 'About a day ago. I'm afraid the writer will be untracable. But Majesty! You can make up your own punishment, for thou art King!' And Wayne did this cringy, sucker-up bow - and all the other Riders copied him - and they all fell off their horses. It was embarassing.
Eomer walked a way off for a bit, steaming, and watched an orc cheating while playing cricket with a cave troll. Then he walked back over to where the Rohan soldiers stood, rubbing their sore heads. ''Right you lot, any ideas in your noggins?''
Splat! A cake of mud came sailing like a Grey Havens ship through the air, missing Eomer's head by two miles.
''BAHHH!'' came a regretful tone. On a distant hilltop, Meriadoc Brandybuck stood with another cake of mud dripping from his hand, muttering after his utterly pathetic aim. 'MISSED. BUT DIS TIME FOR SURE!' He drew back his hand to let fly his second mud pie. This time it fell four miles short of its target. 'GARGH!' The horrible hobbit ran off to hide. He didn't have the stolen bag of tea so he must have hidden it somewhere.
Eomer raised an eyebrow. ''O...........k'' he said, dragging his hand down his face. He took out a crayon and paper and drew a rubbishy picture of Merry with, ''Wanted: Mewiadoc Bwand ee buck. Reewaard, lots 'n' lots!'' written beneath it.
''Make one trillion, one hundred and four 'n' a half copies of this,'' he ordered Wayne. ''Right, bring the castle hamster!''
BOOM BOOM BOOM.
Drums sounded as a creaky, about-to-fall-apart-any-second cart, pulled by two baby wild men came staggering up towards them. On it was a massive cage, in which a humungo hobbit (who looked a lot like a hamster, due to having hair all over him and big cheeks stuffed with food) sat hunched up in the corner, watching Eomer with unblinking eyes. He had just had his second breakfast, and was looking out for more.
-last edited on Jun 28, 2019 19:37:45 GMT by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Jun 28, 2019 19:36:04 GMT
Part Five:
Eomer grinned. ''Right, tie some of that jolly cheap elvish rope around its neck.''
His Riders obeyed, doing a granny knot. They dragged the snuffling creature out of the cage, holding it tightly.
Eomer squinted at The Hambit (that is what the creature was known as) as he walked up to the cart. ''Eegh, it's got something nasty in it's chompers.'' Eomer took out a bottle of fragrance spray (Stinker's Choice showing a picture of Gollum wearing the most awful grin) and sprayed it on to the Hambit. ''Take it AWAY.''
''What are they going to do with it?'' asked the confused Wayne, completely gobsmacked by what was going on and watching as the Hambit was led off by a Rider, towards where Merry Brandybuck was last seen.
Eomer walked over to a ledge. ''Bring the Royal binocuscopes.''
A soldier left, then came back a while later with a pair of binocuscopes specially invented by Eomer's chief inventor, Dr R.Ohan. They were basically binoculars with a new name. Eomer peered through them.''Where's that Hobbit got too?"
Meanwhile, the Hambit was tracking Merry!
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, it went, as it dragged its trainer over every pointed stone and through every muddy puddle on the face of the earth.
Behind a clump of grass, Merry was whistling away as he patted together a brand new mud pie. He suddenly heard the shufflin', snufflin' noises.
'PIPPIN!? THAT YOU?!'' he exclaimed, spinning around.
Eomer sat on a tree stump watching the giant Hambit scuffle around. Eomer had just taken advice from a completely different passing Hobbit to have a second breakfast and now the King had a whopper stomach ache. Eomer picked up the pair of binocuscopes which broke immediately. Things from Lothlorian obviously were losing their quality and reputation.
The Hambit hid infront of Merry, sitting on the soldier that was looking after him, hoping the hobbit would not see him. Then he made some really loud munching noises, as he tried to calm his nerves. He was sure Merry had caught sight of him.
''PIPPIN?!'' Merry squeaked. He was certain his cousin Pippin was huddled in that large thornbush growing right before his feet. Trust Pippin to try get in on all the fun and tea-stealing. With a slow smile spreading across his face, Merry moved back his hand, mud pie ready loaded, took careful aim . . . and threw.
It was the biggest mud pie anybody in the world had ever made and it completely smothered the thorn bush, plus whatever was hiding in it. There was a terrific yell.
The yell was heard by Eomer and his men, who were all waiting with bated breath, unable to see the Hambit's progress due to a hill being in the way.
Wayne's ears wiggled at the shout when it finally came. He jumped up and down. ''Sire! Sire! It seems the Hambit has caught its prey! Yay, yay, yay!'' Wayne started doing a slow dance of triumph, swaying from side-to-side and waving his arms in the air.
''Taxi!'' yelled Eomer. A cart shaped as a cart appeared. It was pulled by a herd of chinchillas and had a top speed of one inch per hour.
Eomer walked up to the cart. ''Take me to the top of that hill,'' said Eomer, who then sat in the cart. Nothing happened. Eomer checked the fuel meter which had a picture of a chinchilla rubbing it's stomach and that meant 'low' or 'empty'. He leaned over the side of the cart. ''Hey, the fill up, will you?''
A soldier came out of the castle carrying a basket of peanuts. He fed each chinchilla a few nuts, then gave the signal. The chinchillas made revving noises with their mouths, steamed, and then sped one inch up the hill at their top speed.
Meanwhile, "Gnarughghg!" went the Hambit as he sat on it's trainer's sword. He got up and started pelting round and round in a small, tight circle.
-last edited on Dec 27, 2019 12:48:41 GMT by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Dec 27, 2019 12:44:13 GMT
Part Eight:
While all this reasonable stuff was going on, Dr R. Ohan was making an important discovery.
''Elves - do they or do they not exist.''
He lifted his magnifying glass and peered at the weedy elf in the giant glass jar. ''Do you exist?'' said he, poking it with a stick through the top. ''I dunno!'' wailed the elf, who happened to be Legolas' cousin twice removed and not very fair of face, to be honest. He slammed his piggy nose against the jar glass, making his snout even piggy-er. ''I dunno-o-o-o-o! What's it all about, eh? What's it all about?'' He pointed at a stethoscope. ''Can I pway with that, pweese?''
''Most peculiar!'' Said the doctor writing it all down in a notebook. ''But this, I DUNNO, what could it mean? Is it another language?'' he studied the writing for three hundred and forty three minutes and then.... '' I.....D.U.N.N.O, I dunno, dun, don, don't........'' ''Aha, incredible, remarkable, astounding!!!!'' he shouted, finally. ''I, Dr R.Ohan, have discovered that this creature does NOT know if it exists or not!''
Clap................ clap.......... clap......... An orc in another jar did a slow, pathetic clap.
Meanwhile, the Hambit saw red and green and lilac after it sat on the sword. It bellowed like a giraffe and charged at Merry. Merry turned into a cherry, a big fat purpley-red one, so scared was he; a cherry with a hairy top and hairy feet. He couldn't scream coz he hadn't a mouth, so he just ran. He ran around the Hambit, over the Hambit's trainer, down the hill . . . and stopped short. The chinchillas were coming up the hill towards him, getting low on fuel as they dragged Eomer behind them. Suddenly, they looked up in unison, at Merry the Cherry. All the chinchillas' eyes went wide, all their pupils turned into cherries, red and succulent. And they all roared and went after the hobbit-that-was-not-a-hobbit-but-a-cherry.
While all this reasonable stuff was going on, Dr R. Ohan was making an important discovery.
''Elves - do they or do they not exist.''
He lifted his magnifying glass and peered at the weedy elf in the giant glass jar. ''Do you exist?'' said he, poking it with a stick through the top. ''I dunno!'' wailed the elf, who happened to be Legolas' cousin twice removed and not very fair of face, to be honest. He slammed his piggy nose against the jar glass, making his snout even piggy-er. ''I dunno-o-o-o-o! What's it all about, eh? What's it all about?'' He pointed at a stethoscope. ''Can I pway with that, pweese?''
''Most peculiar!'' Said the doctor writing it all down in a notebook. ''But this, I DUNNO, what could it mean? Is it another language?'' he studied the writing for three hundred and forty three minutes and then.... '' I.....D.U.N.N.O, I dunno, dun, don, don't........'' ''Aha, incredible, remarkable, astounding!!!!'' he shouted, finally. ''I, Dr R.Ohan, have discovered that this creature does NOT know if it exists or not!''
Clap................ clap.......... clap......... An orc in another jar did a slow, pathetic clap.
Meanwhile, the Hambit saw red and green and lilac after it sat on the sword. It bellowed like a giraffe and charged at Merry. Merry turned into a cherry, a big fat purpley-red one, so scared was he; a cherry with a hairy top and hairy feet. He couldn't scream coz he hadn't a mouth, so he just ran. He ran around the Hambit, over the Hambit's trainer, down the hill . . . and stopped short. The chinchillas were coming up the hill towards him, getting low on fuel as they dragged Eomer behind them. Suddenly, they looked up in unison, at Merry the Cherry. All the chinchillas' eyes went wide, all their pupils turned into cherries, red and succulent. And they all roared and went after the hobbit-that-was-not-a-hobbit-but-a-cherry.
Part Nine:
The Hambit, which-was-a-hobbit-but-at-the-same-time-not-a-hobbit-but-a-giant-hamster, ate it's trainer in it's fury and pelted towards Merry, the chinchillas and Eomer.
UM UM UM!
It began wolfing down all the chinchillas with their massive eyes, leaving the hobbit for last. Then, with a fluent movement, it swept up a passing boogie-ing pan and popped the hobbit in it. Before putting the pan on it's burning, angry eyes and cooking Merry the Cherry over them.
Now fried cherry is not a very nice thing at all. It tastes and smells of doodles. Do NOT eat doodles. They are yuck.
Anyway, Merry started to smell like a right doodle, toasting away on that pan. Every blade of grass in the vicinity wilted and decomposed at that odour, and the ground turned into sludge.
The Hambit gurgled in delight as he caught the disgusting smell of roasting Merry. Eomer started filling out the insurance form for the chinchillas, muttering something about modern quality.
HOOOOOORAY! HURRAH! Cheered the inhabitants of Rohan, as DR R. Ohan was given a trophy by the OCEBBB (the Official Committee of Extra Brainy Brain Boxes) consisting of DR O. rc and professor L. Egolass (No conspiracy)
To mail the insurance form, Eomer called the postal service of his choice - Baby Orc Express. . . . . . . . . About 15 hours later a baby orc tottered up to Eomer wearing a purple T-shirt with a long-drawn and hardly convincing slogan which read -'' Wot U Want Delivered, We deliver for the crowd-drawing price of: all ya money, We are veeeeewee fwedlee so don't delay, call Baby Orc Express Toda. The baby Orc Turned around to show the letter ''Y'' of the last word (The last letter was at the back of the T-shirt because it wouldn't fit on the front.
'' Wot u want Eh? Wat U want?'' said the baby orc, a frightfully angry expression on his little green face. Eomer was slightly startled by the orc's behavior and did not answer for a good 3 seconds, until the baby orc got impatient and made a few angry gestures. ''W-Well, I was wondering i-if you could deliver this t-to ~Treebeards Right good like Taxi Company~ p-please?'' asked Eomer, handing the form in a sealed envelope to the unlikely little delivery man.
-last edited on Jan 7, 2020 15:18:38 GMT by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Jan 7, 2020 15:16:30 GMT
Part Eleven:
The baby orc grabbed the letter, ripped it open and read the form, upside down. 'Doesn't make sense. You're wasting your money and some valuable courier service. Oh well, your loss.' The orc shrugged and chucked the form and the letter (without putting the former into the latter) into a sack which hung around his neck by a strap.
Eomer's jaw dropped open, revealing a solitary, isolated, lonesome, desolate, remote, sole surviving, weather beaten, hard nut tooth, which did a little dance and waved at the baby orc.
His eyebrows shot up, up through the clouds, sizzled through the atmosphere, had a cup of Milky Way with an alien, played giant ping pong with a space man using an asteroid then hitched a ride back to middle earth Via a shooting star. (Random!)
The Baby Orc waddled back the way he had come, eating a jumbo sized pack of lembas. Eomer gathered up his senses and stumbled slowly after the little gargoyle, he wanted to follow him in order to find the location of his headquarters.
Meanwhile, Merry's eyes snapped open. ''Ow,'' he said, feeling heat on his hairy hobbit feet. '. . .Ow..OW! OW,YOWY,OUCH!' He jumped; four feet high he jumped, and two hundred and fifty five feet across. He landed in a thorn bush, leapt another five feet and landed on the ground. He turned around to face two humungo, red hot, goggling eyes. Merry's eyes goggled out, he ran around in a tiny circle for no reason in particular then climbed up a nonexistent ladder. The Hambit shuffled after him, frying pan in hand, eyes fuming, teeth gnashing. Merry climbed back down the ladder and ran like a hobbit being chased by a giant hamster. A cave troll wearing a beret and painting shirt saw Merry being chased by the giant, lumbering Hambit. He set up his easel under a tree and started painting the scene.
'H-hold it right there,' said the troll, measuring them up with his paintbrush. Merry turned to the cave troll and, pointing at the Hambit, let out an ear-piercing shriek of: ''Help!!!''
The cave troll frowned. ''Oh GREAT! Can't you keep still? Now I have to start all over again!'' He said while crumpling the messy, stick figure Merry being chased by what resembled a giant hairy football with red eyes and putting it in his pocket. He whipped out another, fresh one from his ear.
-last edited on Jan 19, 2020 0:20:45 GMT by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Jan 19, 2020 0:17:55 GMT
Part Thirteen:
Meanwhile, Doctor R. Ohan was busy dusting a giant statue of himself holding a giant cup with ''I WON! YAY!'' engraved on it. He gave a sigh and glanced around the laboratory and it's contents - small balls of crumpled paper, painted dark grey and labelled ''Genuine Mini Asteroids''; bottles, flasks, vials and test tubes filled with colored water; a chunk of earth labelled ''A Piece Of The Equator''; a mantelpiece from a fireplace found in a rubbish skip outside ~ Middle Earth Fireplaces INC ~ labelled ''Piece of Earth's Mantel''.
''What did ya win?'' came a voice. It was Legolas's cousin, sitting in his massive jar eating a bluebottle that had unwittingly flown it.
Eowyn should be in charge of the kingdom cause clearly he is way too frivolous.