𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Jan 28, 2020 19:23:38 GMT
Part Fourteen:
A Smug-as-smug-can-be smile unfolded across the doctor's face; it literally unfolded across his face. He turned to admire the statue (which was, if I may say so myself, a horrendous piece of work. It's eyes where extra large, it had twenty teeth missing and a wart the size of a cherry on it's chin.)
''Well,'' he began, but before he could continue the orc in the other jar squished his face on the glass and blew a raspberry. ''O.......k....'' said the doctor, a bit startled at this rude interruption. He turned again to the statue. ''Well, I received this statue when I won the Rohan Paper Mache Castle competition'' He said proudly as he recalled that day.
''Ohhhhhh,'' said the elf, frowning. 'Okay! I just wondered cos it says down there . . . 'Here the elf pointed at a plaque which looked as though it had been hammered off the front of the statue to be hidden at the back. '. . . There it says ''110th Place: awarded to Dr.R.Ohan for his frankly interesting impression of Gollum, in the 'Act Like Gollum Competition' in the year 1430 of the Third Age''
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Feb 1, 2020 19:36:08 GMT
Part Fifteen:
Doctor R. Ohan frowned a grand canyon frown and sneakily, craftily booted the plaque out through a nearby window. He turned and stuck a piece of sticky note paper with ''This magnif statue has been awarded to Doctor R. Ohan for 'is 'hamazing paper mache castle wot we all thinked was all right'' The Doctor turned, smiled and sat down at his desk muttering and pretending to be really busy sighing and struggling with a 1 x table which he had been working on for the last 3 years.
meanwhile Merry was running in slow motion as dramatic music played in the background.
The Hambit didn't care about all that dramatic stuff. he got into his cart (Which had rolled to him all by it's self) and jumped into it. He sat, burning up with hamster rage. KA-SLAM! He smacked his foot down on the accelerator pedal. It broke.
''Mmmmmmphhhhraaaaaa!'' bellowed the hambit. He got out, picked the cart up and thundered after Merry.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Feb 16, 2020 19:04:50 GMT
Part Sixteen:
Meanwhile Eomer was crawling on his hands and knees three inches behind the baby orc.
He had been following the nasty little orc through ankle-scratching thorn bushes and
face-whacking branches. They were now in the darkest of deep dark depths of the darkest part of the deepest of deep depths of Fangorn Forest. It was a bit dark so Eomer could only see the two glowing eyes of the baby orc.
Unfortunately for Eomer the baby orc kept on abruptly stopping. He would pause, mutter something about time-wasters, shake his fist for an hour, jump up and down making angry noises then continue on his way. Don't ask me how Eomer could see all this.
Eomer bumped into the little terror more than once, but whenever the orc turned around he popped a leaf on his head and pretended to be a compost heap.
The baby orc turned around to compliment a world record-breaking number of times he had seen the same repulsive compost heap.
''Meh'' said he for the umpteenth time.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Mar 6, 2020 18:48:45 GMT
Meanwhile back in Rohan. Doctor R. Ohan was racking his brain like mad, trying to decipher the set of inexplicable 1 x tables that had been puzzled over by a aggregation of Rohans finest professors and Doctors. He dragged his hand down his face, sighing with frustration as he cart-wheeled numbers around in his mind. The Orc was sitting on the floor under the jar making models of Elrond out of lembas (which he was supposed to eat) to scare Legolas's cousin.
Meanwhile the Hambit was STILL chasing Merry. It sneakily, silently, CRASHED down trees, houses and castles as it crept after the hobbit. Merry's teeth where jigging as he heard the loud crashing of everything that got in the Hambit's way.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 10, 2020 13:33:03 GMT
Part Seventeen:
Eomer had been following the baby orc for a good twenty two thousand seconds. They were STILL in Fangorn.
The baby orc was always stopping and examining raindrops. ''Golly.'' Thought Eomer.
''These orcs have some weird past times!'' The baby orc went on with his journey while Eomer loudly crawled after him. Suddenly Eomer cracked a 2.1mm twig under his foot. The baby orc's eyes popped out of his head and he swung around.
''Who der?'' He snapped, looking about him. His eyes settled on the heap of repulsive compost that had coincidentally followed him for the last twenty two thousand seconds. ''Meh!'' Said the baby orc. He turned around and continued on his way. Around three hours later they arrived at a humungo compost heap, or at least, Eomer thought it was a compost heap, until it suddenly got up and bellowed. ''So, there you are, orc, well, what's in the mail this time.''
Tree beard paused, recalling the last time the baby orc had come to deliver the mail.
''You haven't eaten again have you?'' He said. The baby orc sat down and tipped the contents of his sack onto the ground.
Treebeard examined the pile of rainwater soaked, dirt smeared paper envelopes and sighed. The baby orc sifted through the pile and drew out a ripped-up insurance form. Ignoring Treebeard's first question, he passed the form to the ent.
''Dat for you, it sent by a weird guy wid bad gramma an rubbishy hand writing. From behind a mole hill, Eomer gasped at the rude little orc. ''I say! That's jolly rude!'' He thought.
''Well, well!'' Said Treebeard, examining the insurance form. ''Someone doesn't like my taxi service.'' He turned to the baby orc. ''You didn't tell him where my company has it's HQ did you?
The baby orc shook his head. ''Nah, I didn't tell im' nothing!'' Treebeard patted the orc's head. ''Good, want to come in for a cup of tea?'' The baby orc scooped up the pile of envelopes. ''Alright.'' He said.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 16, 2020 9:44:45 GMT
Part Eighteen:
Just then Legolas strolled up to them, licking up a huge ice cream in one gulp and looking at Treebeard. "Boy, your big," he said randomly at Treebeard. "I'd bet you'd make a neat table and chair set." Treebeard looked at Legolas for a while, bewildered at elf's randomly worded sentence. He then proceeded to slam a teacup over him. He then slid a piece of paper (NOT made from an Ent because that would be wacky!) and, gesturing the baby orc to follow, carried Legolas into his house.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 16, 2020 19:19:08 GMT
Part Nineteen:
Treebeard put Legolas onto a shelf. ''Ha-ha-ha- '' Laughed the ent. ''Elf on the shelf, get it it?'' He laughed at his rubbishy joke for the next four hours, non stop.
The Baby orc sat watching, eating humungo cakes and drinking gallons of tea. (Ent tea cups are pretty big) Treebeard, after repeating his joke to the little orc several times, filled the kettle with entwash water for another gallon of tea. Legolas sat on the shelf with the biggest, angriest expression that completely changed his face into that of an orcs.
The baby orc helped himself to another cake while watching Legolas. Treebeard poured another giant cup of tea, muttering his joke a few more times o himself. Legolas folded his arms and started reciting some elvish randomness.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Posts: 8,413
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 19, 2020 10:47:01 GMT
Part Twenty:
meanwhile Eomer lay huddled in a hollow, which just HAD to be the home of about seven hundred of Shelob's babies, who just HAD to be REALLY hungry. Eomer could be heard battling with the tiny tormentors with a bottle of bug spray.
In Rohan Doctor R. Ohan was on the verge of success, regarding his most expert contribution to the kingdom's scientific archives, the 1x table.
He shook as he came closer and closer to success, nearer and nearer, his brain boggled and strained, numbers poured from the recesses of his mind, concentration was vital, if it was broken, all would be lost. nearer and closer and closer and nearer an- Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!-
A shrill cry shattered the DR's concentration, numbers split, quartered and then broke into fractions (which the doctor hadn't advanced to yet) which completely comfuzzled him.
The doctor turned angrily to see the culprit of this ghastly interruption.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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~The Emote Maker~
Posts: 8,413
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 20, 2020 17:58:28 GMT
Part Twenty-One:
Upon turning, he saw Legolass's cousin, sitting, whimpering, under his jar while the orc in the other jar pushed a frightful lembas-sculpted figure of Elrond (which looked more like an uglyfied goblin) against the glass.
Legolass's cousin was freaked out by the creepy sculpture and was running around the tiny jar, screaming his head off.
Doctor R. Ohan dragged his hand down his face in frustration, sighing a few hundred times in a row at intervals.
Meanwhile Merry was running through Fangorn forest.
He looked behind him.
The Hambit looked back at him from one foot away. Merry's eyes popped out and he quadrupled his speed.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Posts: 8,413
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 21, 2020 20:59:09 GMT
Part Twenty-two:
Presently, Hobbit and pursuer arrived at a clearing, Merry looked all over the place for somewhere to hide, and maybe have a second breakfast, and bathe his swollen hobbit feet AND have a few hundred winks, maybe a hole somewhere, but not a nasty, dusty dry hole, nor a wet muddy damp hole, this hole had to be a comfortable one, like a hobbit hole.
No such luck, or so he thought.
He suddenly came to a sign which pointed to a hole in the ground, not a nasty, dusty dry hole, nor a wet muddy damp hole, and read ''A place to hide, have a second breakfast, bathe your swollen hobbit feet AND have a few hundred winks.''
''Whoa! that's pretty handy!'' Thought Merry, and he rushed down the hole.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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~The Emote Maker~
Posts: 8,413
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on Apr 27, 2020 18:34:52 GMT
Part Twenty-two:
The Hambit thundered after him. CLONK! The Hambit tried to follow Merry down the hole, but it was a pretty big beast, and it's head wouldn't fit, so, after much grumbling, it sat down in front of the hole and waited for it's pray to come out.
It was dark in the hole, however, Merry soon felt about and found that the hole was in fact the entrance to a fairly wide tunnel. Merry crawled along the tunnel, which sloped, down, upside-down, up, round then smack-bang into a HUGE cave full of almost, but not quite, HUGE spiders!
Merry was going to turn back, when he suddenly remembered that the Hambit was back there, so, he decided to jump OVER the spiders. He jumped.
Now for some strange reason, Brandybuck feet aren't as springy as Baggins feet, no one is quite sure why, but some people think that Bagins feet have another type of hair. Anyway, Merry's feet where, of course, Brandybuck feet, soooo . . . . THUMP! He thumped onto the ground with the thumpyest thump you ever did hear.
He s-s-s-l-l-l-o-o-o-w-w-w-l-y got up and rubbed his hairy feet. About five hundred pairs of eyes stared at him. SPLAT! A blob of sticky spider's web squelched on Merry's foot.
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𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯
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Posts: 8,413
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Post by 𝓐𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝓕𝔬𝔲𝔯 on May 25, 2020 20:34:21 GMT
Part Twenty-Three:
Splat! Splat splat spl-at-at-at-at-at-at! Merry was covered in webs. The spiders picked him up and carried him through the tunnels.
Meanwhile . . . Treebeard had fallen asleep, still laughing at the rubbish joke he had made seven hours before. The baby orc was emptying the Ent's larder, shelves, secret stashes (which weren't all that secret, as they were just hidden under a glass cloche,) and cupboards, and eating everything inside, edible or not, he ate it.
Legolass was dissecting Treebeard's joke, criticizing it to the last syllable. Suddenly, there was a rustling and a scraping outside, a shadow passed the window, followed by several more, slightly smaller shadows, which all walked in single file for some weird reason. The rustling noises made their way towards the front door. Legolas freaked out and froze, pretending to be an elf on a shelf (which is a bit odd, because he was.) The baby orc was in the larder, stuffing his face (and his pockets) to the brim. Legolas was shaking like a scared elf (which made him look somewhat like a scared elf) his teeth where jigging and his kneecaps knocking against each other.
SLAM! The door was burst open. A figure shuffled in, brandishing a bottle of bug spray.
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