*To the tune of "Guitars, Cadillacs" by Dwight Yoakam*
Girl, you taught me how to hurt real bad and cry myself to sleep
And showed me how Waffle House can shatter dreams
Another lesson 'bout a naive fool who came to IHOP
And found out that the pancakes suck

Now it's pancakes, old antiques, classic country music
This lonely, lonely restaurant that I call home
Yeah, my pancakes, old antiques, classic country music
It's the only things that keeps me hanging on

Ain't no glamour in this chain restaurant off of I-80
Painful scars are all that's left of me
Oh, but thank you girl for teaching me brand new ways to be cruel
If I can get my bill now, I guess I'll just leave

Now it's pancakes, old antiques, classic country music

This lonely, lonely restaurant that I call home

Yeah, my pancakes, old antiques, classic country music

It's the only things that keeps me hanging on

Oh it's pancakes, old antiques, classic country music

This lonely, lonely restaurant that I call home

Yeah, my pancakes, old antiques, classic country music

It's the only things that keeps me hanging on
It's the only things that keeps me hanging on
It's the only things that keeps me hanging on

*Makes another one and drinks it with a straw.*