*To the tune of "Old Dogs, Children, and Watermelon Wine" by Tom T. Hall

"How long do you think I've been on staff?" He said
I said I didn't know
He said, ''It's been two years since a couple months ago."

Well, I was sitting in LMBE
Pouring blended coffee down
When this old, funny user was moderating posts
There wasn't anyone around 'cept this old user and me
The guy who ran the forum was designing a dark mode theme
Uninvited, he sat down and began to tell me
'Bout pizza, calzones, and baked ziti
"Ever had a bite of extra pepperoni?" He asked
He told me all about it, though I didn't answer back
"Ain't but three things in this world that's worth a solitary penny
But pizza, calzones, and baked ziti."
He said, "Women think about themselves when men ain't around
And friends are hard to find when they discover that you're down."
He said, "I tried it all when I was young and at my most healthy.
Now it's pizza, calzones, and baked ziti."

"Pizza's a good option when you're broke and hungry.
God bless calzones when you're stressed or crying."
When he logged out I found my pen and copied down that line
'Bout pizza, calzones, and baked ziti

I had to log into my college email that day
As I left I saw him modding some posts
That night I dreamed in peaceful sleep of being hungry
And eating pizza, calzones, and baked ziti.

I'll have to get back to you later. Here's a number you're currently number two.

Take a number