Very Old and Very Cringy #3: Blast Off, A Very Fandom Ninjago Story Written by a novice fanfic writer from long ago
"The Matoran Tablets were light pieces of Protodermis, forged by the matoran. Each tablet had a unique ability, and could only be used by an elemental toa. The toa used each tablet to battle the enemy and protect the villages. But when the toa disapeared, the tablets deteriorated and were lost. Without the tablets to contain the power within, all the abilities were being absorbed by an unknown enemy. So the matoran sent the abilities through time and space to reach a descendant of one of the tablet forgers, here in your time. The tablets were being forged, found and collected by three of your friends so that they would not fall into the hands of Vilgax. But they are gone now, so I need someone to go after them. Will you do that for me, Jay?" "...Yes, master Tahu. But I'll need some help..."
"Okay, Jay, we're all here. Now, what do you want?" Cole said. Kohl and Zane glared at him. "This had better be good." Kohl grumbled. "Oh, it's good guys." Jay smiled. "Tahu has asked us to retrieve ancient relics that contain special powers!" Zane blinked. "But we've done that on several occasions, and it's getting kind of boring." "But that's exactly why he needs us to do it!" Jay cried. "We have experience! And honestly, Zane, I'm disappointed in you." "He's got a point, Jay." Cole said. "We've gathered the Golden Weapons, Fang Blades, Tech Blades, Jade Blades, found the Temple of Light, and so on, so forth. We're through." "But...but...guys, I can't do this alone. Well, maybe I could, but I probably won't live through it!" Jay said. "Sorry, Jay." Kohl said. "We're done." He and the others turned to leave. "Wait! If you leave, I'll resort to living a life of crime!" Jay said. The others stopped abruptly in the doorway. They looked at Jay. "You woudn't." Kohl said. "Try me." Jay said. The three looked at each other. "Okay, fine." Cole said. "We'll do it." Jay grinned. "Awesome! I knew you guys would come through!" "Yeah, but the team's not complete." Kohl said. "Kai isn't here, so you need to ask him about it, too."
"Okay, I'll join. I will only be a part of the team on Wednesdays and Fridays." Kai said. "WHAT??" Jay yelled. "WHY?" " 'Cause I go bowling on Thursdays." Kai grinned. "...Fine, you're in." Jay sighed. "Great! Now, about my uniform--" "You're fired." "Okee-dokee, then. See you 'round. Me and Batman are heading to the drive-in to catch the matine. Have a nice life." Kai left, leaving Jay alone on the sidewalk. Where am I going to find another fire ninja? He thought. Well, I guess we do have a second Cole...
"No way I am ever putting that on." Kohl snapped. Jay was offering him a red and gold uniform, and had told him that he was the new ninja of fire. "I like being an earth ninja, and I hate wearing red." "You have to." Jay insisted. "No I don't." Kohl said. "Yes you do." Jay said. "No I don't." Kohl said. "Yes." "No." "Yes." "No." "YES!" "NO!!" "Hey, guys, stop it!" Cole said. "Jay, why does Kohl have to be the fire one? What happened to Kai?" "He was acting like a -------." Jay said. "JAY! Watch your language! This is a kid's book!" Zane snapped. He was wearing what seemed to be Clone Trooper armour. "Jay, why exactly are we dressed like this?" "Well, if you want to be toa, you have to wear armour." Jay said. "Due to the fact the tablets are spread throughout the Fictiverse, I found armour from different worlds to help us on our journey." "So what's my weapon?" Zane asked. "For you, my nindroid friend, I have acquired a blue lightsaber." Jay handed Zane a cylinder of shiny metal with a switch on it. Zane flipped the switch and his lightsaber ignited, revealing a glowing blue blade. "Nice, huh? I thought you would be best for it, as you're not as clumsy, or random as Cole." "HEY!" "Don't worry Cole, I got you something, too." Jay handed Cole Power Miner armour and a Jade Blade. "...Okay, this armour is kinda cool..." Cole said. "But what about my brother?" "I got him Chima armour and a gold katana." Jay said. Kohl came out in the red and gold armour, with a gold katana in hand. "I hope you're happy, Jay." He growled. "Oh, I am. For myself, I designed clear blue armour and lightning blasters! observe, brothers...NINJA-GO!" Jay flipped into his spinjitzu tornado and came out wearing his armour and wielding his blasters. "BOO-YAH! How do you like me now?" "I still don't like you." Kohl smirked. He was still ticked off about the whole Nya thing. In fact, he is an exact duplicate of Cole from another world. When Cole arrived, Cole and Kohl became like brothers. Kohl is the one who fell for Nya, not Cole. "Well what do you know." Jay said. "Now come on. Tahu wanted to see us before we go on our first mission."
They arrived at Tahu's small house in the mountains. He sat on the porch when the ninja came up. "Welcome, ninja. I have been expecting you." Tahu said. "Really?" Zane asked. "Of course." Tahu said. "I told Jay to bring you up here at about this time. Now, come. I hear one of you is in need of fire capabilities." "How exactly did you know that?" Kohl asked. "Jay called me on my Iphone." Tahu said. Tahu waved his hand and there was a cup filled with a red liquid. "Here. Drink this." He handed the drink to Kohl. He drank it all with one gulp. When he looked back at Tahu, he had an expression that suggested he was looking at the most stupid, doomed thing he ever saw. Suddenly, Kohl doubled over in pain. His guts felt like they had been grilled, his sinuses like they had been filled with lava, his mussels like they were boiling. Imagine the most painful thing that ever happened to you and multiply it by a million. That would have been a tickle compared to what Kohl was feeling. It was by far the most painful thing Kohl had ever endured. "GASP...what...what the...brick...was THAT?" He said. "That was liquified huhu peppers. The spiciest thing on Mata Nui. And possibly existence." Tahu said. "why...why....why....uuuhhhhhh..." at that moment Kohl unleashed the entirety of the contents of his stomach on Tahu's welcome mat. Tahu glared at the mat. "That cost me twenty bucks. Oh, well. Anyway, it seems that your friend here is stronger than I previously thought. If he was a normal citizen, his stomach would have come out as well. Believe me, that's happened before." "So why is Kohl so different?" Zane asked. "We're indestructible, remember?" Cole said. "It's our true potential." "Ah. That explains it." Tahu said. "Anyway, the juice was to prepare him for the fire abilities, which are ten times more painful than the juice." "Wha...what?" Kohl groaned. "Yes, well... I hereby grant you the control of fire." Tahu said. Remember about the juice being the most painful thing Kohl had ever felt? Well, never mind. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Kohl cried.
Twelve minutes later, Kohl woke up. "GAH!" He said. He was lying on a couch big enough to sit three bionicles. He had a headache, and he was lying on his keys. Ow. He got up and walked to the kitchen. Everything was gigantic. The chairs would make the indominus rex shudder, Kohl thought. On the other side of a counter, he saw a minifig-sized table, with his friends sitting there. "So then he said, 'Dad! It was the triple-tiger sashe! I was seven!' HAHAHAHAHA!" Jay said. Cole glared at him. "I'm sitting right here, you know." He growled. Zane chuckled. "Ah, memories." Tahu was squatting at the table, sipping a mug the size of a minifigure. "I actually enjoy huhu juice." "I hope I'm not interuppting anything." Kohl said. "Ah, Kohl, you're awake." Tahu stood up. "I apologize for the pain you may have suffered, but you should have sipped the juice slowly. Just be thankful that I didn't need to give you swamp elemental powers." Let's see, Kohl thought. Swamp, toxic...oh. Acid. Yikes. "Now then." Tahu finished his juice and put the mug down. "Come with me to the training ground to examine your new abilities."
"Okay..." Kohl said. "Now what?" They were standing in a huge room, with grey walls and silver tile floors. everywhere there was giant training equipment, with bleachers along the walls. They were in a smaller training ground, with Tahu sitting nearby. "This is where I train mini toa, like you." Tahu explained. "But lately, I have entertained myself by placing earth mice through the obstacle course." Jay looked beside him at the dead mouse that was rotting on the floor. "That explains a lot." "So how do I use my powers?" Kohl said. "The same way you use your earth powers, I suppose." Tahu shrugged. "Okay..." Kohl said. He tried to make earth spears rise from the floor. Instead, the earth came open and spewed lava which oozed into the obstical course. "Of course..." Tahu said. "Your first element was earth, correct? The fire I gave you must have combined with your earth and gave you lava powers!" "Sweet...AAGGHH!" Kohl noticed lava spewing from his hands and panicked.
