Post by sithkitten2971 on May 31, 2017 22:30:55 GMT
I am proud to announce that this is the last bit of the prologue! Chapter 1 begins tomorrow.
Prologue part 5
Coruscant, 1 ABY
As soon as they were alone, Dess floated over to a desk and opened the drawers. He rummaged around for a few minutes, and procured a small microchip. He plugged it into the computer and waited. Shortly after, a message flashed onto the screen.
If you are reading this, then I have become one with the Force. Lyria, I have an important job for you. This message can only be heard once, so please listen carefully: My daughter, Jas, is very strong in the Force. I have hidden her in plain sight, at the Mandalore Youth Academy. But even though she is hidden away, the Sith will still be looking for her. They will want her to join them. Make sure that Jas never does this. Teach her the Jedi way. Teach her how to destroy them. It is her destiny to defeat the Sith. The dark side will call to Jas. Make sure she resists the call.
The message disappeared, and Lyria was left staring at the empty black screen. “What can I do, Master Corr?” asked Lyria, shutting off the computer. Dess gave Lyria one of his calm, oddly blank smiles. “You must answer that question.” “I have to train Arlin’s daughter, don’t I? I have to teach Jas Caranie how to defeat the Sith.” “Precisely,” Dess replied. “You do wish to take on this mission?” “Yes. Thank you, Master,” Lyria said. With a smile on her face, Lyria walked out of the room, down the stairs, and into her ship. She sat down in the pilot’s seat, activated the ship, and set a course for Mandalore.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Post by sithkitten2971 on Jun 1, 2017 21:46:49 GMT
Author's note: The following part is set seven years after the prologue.
Chapter 1 part 1 Mandalore, 8 ABY
Jas Caranie was in a small, dark room, watching, waiting, and staring.
Two hooded figures stood before her. One was kneeling upon the hard ground, the other figure towering over it. The standing figure reached out its hand. “Rise,” it said, in a voice that was deep, harsh, and raspy, but still obviously female. The kneeling figure stood up. Its billowing black cloak rippled as it moved. The first figure, who seemed to be the master, looked up, and its—no, her eyes glowed yellow. “You have done well, my apprentice,” she drawled. “Now go. Go find those insolent little traitors that you once called your friends.” Jas was lying on the ground. Rain was pouring from the sky, drenching her. Someone walked forward; it was the apprentice from the dark room. Jas could tell because the apprentice had been shorter, and its cloak had been made from cheaper material, while the silky cloak of its master resembled a shadow. Flashes of lightning seemed to tear the stormy sky apart, and thunder boomed around them. A pair of yellow eyes gleamed behind the hood of the apprentice, who leaned toward Jas. For one moment it seemed like it would attack. But it didn’t. Instead, the apprentice reached out a hand to her, pulling Jas up so that they were facing each other. They looked at each other, Jas gazing intently into the glowing yellow orbs that she knew were the apprentice’s eyes and the apprentice gazing intently into Jas’s own blue eyes. In one fluid, sinuous motion, the apprentice reached up and slowly took off its hood. Jas let out a small cry of fear, which was all she could manage, although she felt like screaming. But her mouth had gone dry, and she couldn’t speak. As much as Jas wanted to look away, she couldn’t, because her feet were rooted to the ground. She stared, horrified, at a face she knew too well. A face she knew too well, because she saw it every time she looked in her mirror. The apprentice’s face was her own.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Post by sithkitten2971 on Jun 2, 2017 16:05:21 GMT
Author's note: Aana's name is pronounced the same as 'Ana' only with an extra A. (The extra A is silent).
Chapter 1 part 2 Mandalore, 8 ABY
Jas awoke in her own bunk, completely alone, tears streaming down her face. As she tried to calm herself down, she thought about her dream. What was going on? Maybe I’m losing my mind. This isn’t the first time I’ve had these dreams, and I’m willing to bet a million credits that it isn’t the last.
Her thoughts were interrupted when a young girl ran into the room. Jas recognized the girl as one of her bunkmates, Aana, who also happened to be her best friend. To be precise, Aana was Jas’s one of Jas’s only friends; Jas, being a shape-shifter, was often treated as inferior by everyone except Aana.
Aana had shiny black hair which fell to her waist. Her pale ivory skin was flawless, and her eyes were a bright, shocking blue. “Good morning!” she called cheerfully. “I’m glad you’re awake! You could miss breakfast! Come on!”
Jas didn’t care whether she missed breakfast or not. Food was the last thing on her mind. All she wanted to do was lie in her nice warm bed and wonder if she was going insane, or if she was cursed, or even if her dreams were some odd kind of blessing.
Aana couldn’t see into Jas’s mind. It was impossible to hear other beings’ thoughts, and Jas knew that much. But it sure seemed like Aana was seeing into Jas’s mind. She closed her eyes and her brow furrowed. Then she opened her eyes to look at Jas and her face assumed a curious expression. “Jas,” she said, “are you all right?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. Just go away,” moaned Jas, burying her face in the silky sheets that covered her lap.
Aana looked concerned. “Tell me, Jas.” The latter only burrowed deeper into her blankets, so that no part of her body or face could be seen.
“Please tell me,” said Aana, placing her hand lightly upon the quivering lump that lay beneath the sheets. Jas didn’t move.
“Please!” begged Aana, now clearly distressed.
Jas sat up, sighed, and began to recount the story of her dream, pausing only to wipe her eyes on the sleeve of her nightgown.
Aana listened with mingled horror and interest. She never stopped holding Jas’s hand.
And when Jas had calmed enough to get out of bed and get dressed, Aana had pointed to the chronometer that hung on the wall. Eleven hundred hours. They had missed breakfast after all, and now they were going to be late for class.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Yes, I know this is a short chapter. Anyways, I'll be going to camp for the next two weeks (excluding weekends) so I won't be able to update as much. Just letting you know.
Chapter One part 3 Mandalore, 8 ABY
Is it right, Lyria wondered, to train a child so young? There was a possibility that Jas wouldn’t want to be a Jedi, despite her Force-sensitivity. Lyria didn’t want to force the child into such a life. It was a decision that Jas herself had to make. I’ll wait, Lyria decided finally. I’ll let Jas pick what she wants to do. Lyria was convinced completely that even though that course of action challenged her mission, it was the right thing to do. The next morning, Ian Enning called to ask about Jas, but he never got to find out the answer to his question. All he got was a burst of static, and then…silence. Lyria had refused to answer him.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Yes, I know this is a short chapter. Anyways, I'll be going to camp for the next two weeks (excluding weekends) so I won't be able to update as much. Just letting you know.
Chapter One part 3 Mandalore, 8 ABY
Is it right, Lyria wondered, to train a child so young? There was a possibility that Jas wouldn’t want to be a Jedi, despite her Force-sensitivity. Lyria didn’t want to force the child into such a life. It was a decision that Jas herself had to make. I’ll wait, Lyria decided finally. I’ll let Jas pick what she wants to do. Lyria was convinced completely that even though that course of action challenged her mission, it was the right thing to do. The next morning, Ian Enning called to ask about Jas, but he never got to find out the answer to his question. All he got was a burst of static, and then…silence. Lyria had refused to answer him.
Post by sithkitten2971 on Jun 25, 2017 16:24:16 GMT
Here is MOAR. By the way, my camp is over now, so I should be able to update more moar regularly.
Chapter One part 4 Mandalore, 8 ABY
After class, Jas and Aana were walking together in the hallway. Jas, of course, was deep in thought; Aana had to call Jas’s name about five times before Jas finally acknowledged her friend. “Go away!” snapped Jas, angrily. Aana looked hurt, her big blue eyes brimming with tears. Suddenly Jas came to herself. Aana’s been my friend for as long as I can remember. She listened to everything I had to say and never told me her problems. She stood up for me when people made fun of my looks. She always was so kind and loving. And here I am, taking my anger out on her. What’s happening to me? Jas sighed deeply. “Aana, I’m sorry. I…just don’t feel like myself today.” Aana smiled. “It’s okay.” Jas turned away from her friend and began to walk away. “Wait, what are you doing?” asked Aana, who looked thoroughly confused. “You’re going the wrong way.” Jas smiled a forced, rehearsed smile. “I’m just going to…take a walk.” Jas tried to make her voice sound casual and failed miserably. At that moment, Aana noticed that Jas’s smile wasn’t genuine. And, with a sharp pang of sadness, Aana realized that Jas might not even be telling the truth. Aana smiled warmly and embraced her friend. “Jas, just remember that I'm here if you want to talk.” Jas strode away down the hallway towards the balcony. Jas paused just once to look back at Aana with another horrible fake smile plastered on her face. And then, at that very moment, Jas’s eyes flashed red. Aana’s eyes had never deceived her before. She had always seen things clearly. Her teachers, peers, and even the Academy’s medical staff had all pronounced her eyesight “perfect”. So what was that flicker of red in Jas’s eyes? The momentary gleam of crimson had nearly lit the entire hallway. There was no way it could have been a hallucination. And it couldn’t have had anything to do with the lighting, for the lights, as well as the entire interior, were blue. There was nothing red for Jas’s eyes to reflect. All that Aana knew was that Jas was walking away from her, and possibly even walking away from their friendship. Alone in the hallway, Aana buried her face in her hands and cried. Her best friend was becoming more and more distant each day....
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Here is MOAR. By the way, my camp is over now, so I should be able to update more moar regularly.
Chapter One part 4 Mandalore, 8 ABY
After class, Jas and Aana were walking together in the hallway. Jas, of course, was deep in thought; Aana had to call Jas’s name about five times before Jas finally acknowledged her friend. “Go away!” snapped Jas, angrily. Aana looked hurt, her big blue eyes brimming with tears. Suddenly Jas came to herself. Aana’s been my friend for as long as I can remember. She listened to everything I had to say and never told me her problems. She stood up for me when people made fun of my looks. She always was so kind and loving. And here I am, taking my anger out on her. What’s happening to me? Jas sighed deeply. “Aana, I’m sorry. I…just don’t feel like myself today.” Aana smiled. “It’s okay.” Jas turned away from her friend and began to walk away. “Wait, what are you doing?” asked Aana, who looked thoroughly confused. “You’re going the wrong way.” Jas smiled a forced, rehearsed smile. “I’m just going to…take a walk.” Jas tried to make her voice sound casual and failed miserably. At that moment, Aana noticed that Jas’s smile wasn’t genuine. And, with a sharp pang of sadness, Aana realized that Jas might not even be telling the truth. Aana smiled warmly and embraced her friend. “Jas, just remember that I'm here if you want to talk.” Jas strode away down the hallway towards the balcony. Jas paused just once to look back at Aana with another horrible fake smile plastered on her face. And then, at that very moment, Jas’s eyes flashed red. Aana’s eyes had never deceived her before. She had always seen things clearly. Her teachers, peers, and even the Academy’s medical staff had all pronounced her eyesight “perfect”. So what was that flicker of red in Jas’s eyes? The momentary gleam of crimson had nearly lit the entire hallway. There was no way it could have been a hallucination. And it couldn’t have had anything to do with the lighting, for the lights, as well as the entire interior, were blue. There was nothing red for Jas’s eyes to reflect. All that Aana knew was that Jas was walking away from her, and possibly even walking away from their friendship. Alone in the hallway, Aana buried her face in her hands and cried. Her best friend was becoming more and more distant each day....
Post by sithkitten2971 on Aug 13, 2017 19:16:11 GMT
Here is moar. Chapter 2!!! Not all the chapters are the same length, so the number of parts in each chapter will vary. By the way, I'm going on vacation starting tomorrow (I'll be gone for 4 days), and I likely won't be able to get on here. I will post moar chapters when I get back.
Chapter 2 part 1 Mandalore, 8 ABY
Jas liked to think she didn’t have weaknesses. It was a habit she had had for quite some time, and habits are hard to break. But Jas did have weaknesses, and she decided she wouldn’t hide it anymore. She would tell her friend everything. Aana deserved to know what was going on. Someone placed a hand upon her shoulder. Jas spun around, expecting to see Aana. But she found herself face to face with a stranger instead. Jas’s teachers had warned her to be wary of strangers. There were many people in the galaxy who were unsafe and unstable. There were people who enjoyed hurting others. There were people who lied and people who cheated. People who were merely unkind and others who were downright mean. This particular stranger didn’t look so scary. She was pretty, but not in a showy or flashy way. She looked kind and approachable, the sort of person who you could confide in, the sort of person who might actually listen to you no matter how crazy your story happened to be. She had a pleasant face, framed by hair that was brown, but just beginning to turn gray. Her amber eyes sparkled with light and wisdom. She was wearing austere, faded robes that were the color of desert sand, and there was some kind of sword hanging at her belt. It was only the hilt of a sword, a metal cylinder with a button or two on the side—the weapon had no blade. Jas didn’t care what she looked like. This was a stranger, and according to Jas’s teachers, “strangers were dangerous.” Jas boldly walked up to her and asked, “Who are you?” Jas realized at that moment that she may have sounded a bit rude. But the lady was smiling. “I can’t tell you that right now, Jas.” “How do you know my name?” “You are inquisitive, young one. You will have all your questions answered soon. But I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything,” replied the stranger. “Stay safe, Jas Caranie. I will come for you when the time is right.” The stranger clambered over the side of the balcony’s railing and stepped gracefully into the airspeeder that was waiting below the balcony. “Don’t go! I need to ask you something!” Jas knew she wouldn’t be able to coax the lady to stay, but she tried, reaching out with her voice, hoping, praying, that the stranger would hear. But the airspeeder was already zooming away into traffic.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Post by sithkitten2971 on Aug 17, 2017 22:20:39 GMT
I am back so here is MOAR!
Chapter Two part 2 Mandalore, 8 ABY
Jas didn’t tell Aana about the mysterious stranger. It was Jas’s problem, not Aana’s, and Jas didn’t want Aana to worry about things that were none of her business. Jas, Aana, and their bunkmates, Ceres and Darra, were giggling and talking about all their favorite things. Jas wasn’t really listening to Aana, who was now going off on some preposterous tangent about hyperspace travel. Instead, and despite her internal promise to be more honest with her friend, Jas was thinking about something else entirely: Why is everything so complicated? Why am I afraid to talk to my friend? I wish it was easier to confide in people. And I wish I could be a better friend to Aana. She is the kindest person in the universe. I really don’t deserve to be her best friend. “Aw, ten minutes till lights out,” said Darra, glancing at her chronometer. Jas snapped out of her trance. “All right then,” said Aana, pulling on her nightgown. “I’m beat.” “Same,” yawned Ceres. “Did you do that assignment from Strozlott yet?” “No,” Darra replied. “I’m gonna do it tomorrow before his class.” “You’re so bad!” exclaimed Aana. “Five minutes till lights out,” said Darra, looking again at the chronometer. “We know,” groaned Ceres. The five minutes expired and the lights shut off. Jas’s bunkmates fell asleep immediately, but Jas continued to lay awake. Staring up at the ceiling of the cramped, windowless room, Jas sighed, pulled the covers up to her chin, and prepared herself for a long, restless night.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Jas didn’t tell Aana about the mysterious stranger. It was Jas’s problem, not Aana’s, and Jas didn’t want Aana to worry about things that were none of her business. Jas, Aana, and their bunkmates, Ceres and Darra, were giggling and talking about all their favorite things. Jas wasn’t really listening to Aana, who was now going off on some preposterous tangent about hyperspace travel. Instead, and despite her internal promise to be more honest with her friend, Jas was thinking about something else entirely: Why is everything so complicated? Why am I afraid to talk to my friend? I wish it was easier to confide in people. And I wish I could be a better friend to Aana. She is the kindest person in the universe. I really don’t deserve to be her best friend. “Aw, ten minutes till lights out,” said Darra, glancing at her chronometer. Jas snapped out of her trance. “All right then,” said Aana, pulling on her nightgown. “I’m beat.” “Same,” yawned Ceres. “Did you do that assignment from Strozlott yet?” “No,” Darra replied. “I’m gonna do it tomorrow before his class.” “You’re so bad!” exclaimed Aana. “Five minutes till lights out,” said Darra, looking again at the chronometer. “We know,” groaned Ceres. The five minutes expired and the lights shut off. Jas’s bunkmates fell asleep immediately, but Jas continued to lay awake. Staring up at the ceiling of the cramped, windowless room, Jas sighed, pulled the covers up to her chin, and prepared herself for a long, restless night.
Oh oops I never realized you had MOAR of your book out! So.....
Ooh, I love this! One tip though: if you want your story to flow a bit better, try using different sentence structures. Like compound and run-on sentences not just simple sentences. Just something I noticed, otherwise, great job!
Ooh, I love this! One tip though: if you want your story to flow a bit better, try using different sentence structures. Like compound and run-on sentences not just simple sentences. Just something I noticed, otherwise, great job!
I'm sorry I'm so late in replying to this, but thank you so much for your feedback; it's always nice to receive some constructive criticism. I'm so happy you like the story! There will be moar very soon.
Darth|Tallium "Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm lost."
Chapter 1 begins tomorrow.
Anyways, I'll be going to camp for the next two weeks (excluding weekends) so I won't be able to update as much. 
Just letting you know.![[y]](http://storage.proboards.com/6672327/images/WYWPH2VRo26pOFDid7QZ.png)
I will post moar chapters when I get back. 
