Oh no I get it, my part will probably be a little slow in coming, too! xD Well done, by the way! Even with professional writers the way they write action sequences leaves me confused and wondering where the characters are, but with this I could see everything perfectly and it looked amazing. So, kudos to you.
No worries! Take your time! Thanks! I'm glad my imagery of the action came through nicely! I just thought about it like an action movie, especially the idea of slow motion, and thought I'd try "slow motion writing", I guess.
Clever. Maintaining the pace of the action scene while keeping everything clear for the reader is so hard for me.
No worries! Take your time! Thanks! I'm glad my imagery of the action came through nicely! I just thought about it like an action movie, especially the idea of slow motion, and thought I'd try "slow motion writing", I guess.
Clever. Maintaining the pace of the action scene while keeping everything clear for the reader is so hard for me.
Thanks. That's understandable. There's so much going on in action scenes that it can be hard to visualize and hard to describe.
The monster stood still, teetering on his slimy limbs. A low grumble made the ground vibrate. A pained groan broke from his jaws. He looked around frantically, as if trying to identify the source of his suffering. Fear panted and whimpered while his body shuddered. Flesh quivering strangely, it began to shrink; the skin tightened over the muscles that seemed to be vanishing. Fear staggered back from the steep mountainside and tumbled into a rocky hollow, where his body lay quivering and jerking randomly. The hushed crowd watched in mingled awe and disgust as the body of the Maximus Tentaculous shrank, shifted, and gradually transformed into a human figure. Lord Fear lay broken, wounded, exposed, and utterly defeated before the people he'd deceived, enslaved, and tormented for years. Many of the slaves began cheering; a tired but jubilant sound it was. A group of the King's soldiers, grinning in relief and triumph, trotted down to arrest him (and to throw a cloak over him). It was only when the soldiers were dragging the unconscious villain back up the hill that Joy remembered Luke. She wrenched her gaze away and knelt over him. "Luke...?" No response. His face looked more white than ever, save for the few scratches from the fall. "Luke." A quivering smile inched up her face. "It's all right now. You did it. You saved us." She tried shaking him awake. Still no response. Touching one hand gently to the side of his head, she pressed, "Come on, wake up. Everything's going to be all right--" She stopped. Her fingers felt wet. She drew her hand away from his hair and saw red. "No!" She staggered to her feet. "Someone-- someone help, please! He's hurt and he won't wake up! Help!" It was her parents her heard the cry first. Her father skirted down past the boulders as fast as he could, followed by several soldiers. One glance at the unconscious young man left grim expressions on their once-triumphant faces. Together they picked him up and slowly carried him to the top of the mountain. Joy followed in a daze, feeling spent. Her mother joined her side and kept one arm planted firmly around her shoulders.
A group of the King's soldiers, grinning in relief and triumph, trotted down to arrest him (and to throw a cloak over him). **** It was only when the soldiers were dragging the unconscious villain back up the hill that Joy remembered Luke. She wrenched her gaze away and knelt over him. "Luke...?" No response. His face looked more white than ever, save for the few scratches from the fall. "Luke." A quivering smile inched up her face. "It's all right now. You did it. You saved us." She tried shaking him awake. Still no response. Touching one hand gently to the side of his head, she pressed, "Come on, wake up. Everything's going to be all right--" She stopped. Her fingers felt wet. She drew her hand away from his hair and saw red. "No!" She staggered to her feet. "Someone-- someone help, please! He's hurt and he won't wake up! Help!" It was her parents her heard the cry first. Her father skirted down past the boulders as fast as he could, followed by several soldiers. One glance at the unconscious young man left grim expressions on their once-triumphant faces. Together they picked him up and slowly carried him to the top of the mountain. Joy followed in a daze, feeling spent. Her mother joined her side and kept one arm planted firmly around her shoulders.
1. Thank goodness. 2. Oi, he better be ok... That sence was amazing though! :3
The monster stood still, teetering on his slimy limbs. A low grumble made the ground vibrate. A pained groan broke from his jaws. He looked around frantically, as if trying to identify the source of his suffering. Fear panted and whimpered while his body shuddered. Flesh quivering strangely, it began to shrink; the skin tightened over the muscles that seemed to be vanishing. Fear staggered back from the steep mountainside and tumbled into a rocky hollow, where his body lay quivering and jerking randomly. The hushed crowd watched in mingled awe and disgust as the body of the Maximus Tentaculous shrank, shifted, and gradually transformed into a human figure. Lord Fear lay broken, wounded, exposed, and utterly defeated before the people he'd deceived, enslaved, and tormented for years. Many of the slaves began cheering; a tired but jubilant sound it was. A group of the King's soldiers, grinning in relief and triumph, trotted down to arrest him (and to throw a cloak over him). It was only when the soldiers were dragging the unconscious villain back up the hill that Joy remembered Luke. She wrenched her gaze away and knelt over him. "Luke...?" No response. His face looked more white than ever, save for the few scratches from the fall. "Luke." A quivering smile inched up her face. "It's all right now. You did it. You saved us." She tried shaking him awake. Still no response. Touching one hand gently to the side of his head, she pressed, "Come on, wake up. Everything's going to be all right--" She stopped. Her fingers felt wet. She drew her hand away from his hair and saw red. "No!" She staggered to her feet. "Someone-- someone help, please! He's hurt and he won't wake up! Help!" It was her parents her heard the cry first. Her father skirted down past the boulders as fast as he could, followed by several soldiers. One glance at the unconscious young man left grim expressions on their once-triumphant faces. Together they picked him up and slowly carried him to the top of the mountain. Joy followed in a daze, feeling spent. Her mother joined her side and kept one arm planted firmly around her shoulders.
Awesome part Tigress! Wow, we're coming to the end of the story!
A group of the King's soldiers, grinning in relief and triumph, trotted down to arrest him (and to throw a cloak over him). **** It was only when the soldiers were dragging the unconscious villain back up the hill that Joy remembered Luke. She wrenched her gaze away and knelt over him. "Luke...?" No response. His face looked more white than ever, save for the few scratches from the fall. "Luke." A quivering smile inched up her face. "It's all right now. You did it. You saved us." She tried shaking him awake. Still no response. Touching one hand gently to the side of his head, she pressed, "Come on, wake up. Everything's going to be all right--" She stopped. Her fingers felt wet. She drew her hand away from his hair and saw red. "No!" She staggered to her feet. "Someone-- someone help, please! He's hurt and he won't wake up! Help!" It was her parents her heard the cry first. Her father skirted down past the boulders as fast as he could, followed by several soldiers. One glance at the unconscious young man left grim expressions on their once-triumphant faces. Together they picked him up and slowly carried him to the top of the mountain. Joy followed in a daze, feeling spent. Her mother joined her side and kept one arm planted firmly around her shoulders.
1. Thank goodness. 2. Oi, he better be ok... That sence was amazing though! :3
"Be free!" She said to the chickens, but the chickens didn't understand. "Bok bok bok." She said as she pretended to be a chicken leaving the barn, but the chickens still didn't understand. "Ugh, fine." She got some chicken feed and spread it outside, and the chickens began to follow.
I'm sorry I just have to reply to this (finally started reading this because I have all this nice time ) This part literally made me laugh out loud. xD Also this is great so far. I know I'm about a year behind still, but I'll catch up soon hehe.
Temptation opened the bottle and tried to hold it steady so he wouldn't spill. He watched as Joy was being dragged across the ground, then slowly raised up toward Lord Fear's mouth.
The jaws of the Maximus Tentaculous was big and wide, and had lots of little teeth that could pierce any armor. To Lord Fear, Joy would just be an appetizer.
Temptation had never felt so scared in his whole life, seeing Joy being swallowed alive, but he knew what he had to do. Right when he tentacle clutching onto Joy was just about to enter the jaws, he let go of his other hand.
What took only a few seconds, felt like a sequence in slow motion.
He fell from a long distance, free-falling toward the tentacle that held Joy's legs tightly. He looked toward Lord Fear's mouth and counted to three.
"One... two... three..." He was in view of the mouth, and right in that second he hurled the bottle and the potion into Lord Fear's mouth. He watched as it was swallowed easily.
Next, he looked downward and saw Joy hanging upside down like a bat, scared for her life. From her perspective she saw a mouth, but then she saw Temptation right in front of her falling "up".
Temptation reached her with his arms and hugged her tightly as he fell, and the force of the fall was just enough to make her legs slip free from Lord Fear's tentacle grasp.
With Joy in his arms, Temptation twisted his body a few directions to manipulate their angle, which led to them landing back onto the rocky floor on Temptation's back.
Both were knocked unconscious for only a few seconds. Joy woke again watching Temptation with his eyes closed, and turned around to see Lord Fear, still massive and big, but somehow frozen for just a little bit. So much happened in about ten seconds of time, and Joy was still processing all of it.
The monster stood still, teetering on his slimy limbs. A low grumble made the ground vibrate. A pained groan broke from his jaws. He looked around frantically, as if trying to identify the source of his suffering. Fear panted and whimpered while his body shuddered. Flesh quivering strangely, it began to shrink; the skin tightened over the muscles that seemed to be vanishing. Fear staggered back from the steep mountainside and tumbled into a rocky hollow, where his body lay quivering and jerking randomly. The hushed crowd watched in mingled awe and disgust as the body of the Maximus Tentaculous shrank, shifted, and gradually transformed into a human figure. Lord Fear lay broken, wounded, exposed, and utterly defeated before the people he'd deceived, enslaved, and tormented for years. Many of the slaves began cheering; a tired but jubilant sound it was. A group of the King's soldiers, grinning in relief and triumph, trotted down to arrest him (and to throw a cloak over him). It was only when the soldiers were dragging the unconscious villain back up the hill that Joy remembered Luke. She wrenched her gaze away and knelt over him. "Luke...?" No response. His face looked more white than ever, save for the few scratches from the fall. "Luke." A quivering smile inched up her face. "It's all right now. You did it. You saved us." She tried shaking him awake. Still no response. Touching one hand gently to the side of his head, she pressed, "Come on, wake up. Everything's going to be all right--" She stopped. Her fingers felt wet. She drew her hand away from his hair and saw red. "No!" She staggered to her feet. "Someone-- someone help, please! He's hurt and he won't wake up! Help!" It was her parents her heard the cry first. Her father skirted down past the boulders as fast as he could, followed by several soldiers. One glance at the unconscious young man left grim expressions on their once-triumphant faces. Together they picked him up and slowly carried him to the top of the mountain. Joy followed in a daze, feeling spent. Her mother joined her side and kept one arm planted firmly around her shoulders.
Sorry LordTigress and Gnuehchcaz, you two probably have a ton of likes from me now. BUT I AM FINALLY CAUGHT UP YAY!!! And I am so glad I am up at 1:36am finishing this. Honestly worth every bit of staying awake. (And if I stopped, I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.) I must say, you guys, this is like Princess Bride level funny stuff. perhaps a film adaption is in store The story is amazing and captivating, the characters are lovable, and the lines are memorable. I must draw fanart asap. Anyhoo, I know I've joined right before the end, but I can't wait to see what's next!
Sorry LordTigress and Gnuehchcaz , you two probably have a ton of likes from me now. BUT I AM FINALLY CAUGHT UP YAY!!! And I am so glad I am up at 1:36am finishing this. Honestly worth every bit of staying awake. (And if I stopped, I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.) I must say, you guys, this is like Princess Bride level funny stuff. perhaps a film adaption is in store The story is amazing and captivating, the characters are lovable, and the lines are memorable. I must draw fanart asap. Anyhoo, I know I've joined right before the end, but I can't wait to see what's next!
I see absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I feel bad for depriving you of sleep... XD Oh my gosh--thank you so much!! That's super flattering! asdfghjk I wanna see this fanart stat. We've had a lot of fun just messing around but also building a story out of our crazy idea. I think I'm very lucky to have Zach as my writing partner. Thank you so much!
"Be free!" She said to the chickens, but the chickens didn't understand. "Bok bok bok." She said as she pretended to be a chicken leaving the barn, but the chickens still didn't understand. "Ugh, fine." She got some chicken feed and spread it outside, and the chickens began to follow.
I'm sorry I just have to reply to this (finally started reading this because I have all this nice time ) This part literally made me laugh out loud. xD Also this is great so far. I know I'm about a year behind still, but I'll catch up soon hehe.
So, kudos to you.![[h]](http://storage.proboards.com/6672327/images/hfSwWMIrqfbcVMuaJTst.png)
Thanks! I'm glad my imagery of the action came through nicely! I just thought about it like an action movie, especially the idea of slow motion, and thought I'd try "slow motion writing", I guess. 
![[h]](http://storage.proboards.com/6672327/images/nPCskakrdhDERqIVGKuw.png)
Maintaining the pace of the action scene while keeping everything clear for the reader is so hard for me. 
![[derp]](http://storage.proboards.com/6672327/images/YqNTPqyQUocVMYXZgUAI.png)
No, Luke! ;-;![[lenny]](http://storage.proboards.com/6672327/images/7elNEqtPK2hcSAiIMFNh.png)
The story is amazing and captivating, the characters are lovable, and the lines are memorable. I must draw fanart asap. 
![[uni]](http://storage.proboards.com/6672327/images/mPKcREJAtrpeAXSOgaOH.png)
Thank you so much!