Most people aren't big on normality I guess. I'm keeping up a fairly good schedule, all things CONsidered.
What oddities, I'll stay here. Can't argue with that.
And discuss hallucinations, marshmallows, pandas and other such normal topics. I mean, you could, but it'd be hard to find a basis for it, seeing as I'm topping the posts leaderboard still.
Hmm, it's just that fishing isn't something that everyone does and I was curious about your story/stories on it.
So you find fulfillment in socially engaging with others and nocturnal living separates you from others? You just like the creative boost of nighttime consciousness?
Sometimes, but not often and not as often as it used to be, I would have trouble sleeping just because I didn't want to fall asleep. Falling asleep, falling into blackness that wouldn't mean anything, was almost dreadful in a kind of way. It felt like giving-up, almost like missing out in something not really there. Just myself and 6-8 hours of darkness and nothing, so much nothing... I could practically spend the night traveling the world over with books and music, photography and hobbies, pointless rummaging, humming or light singing, staring at the cream colored wall or feeling the texture of the blankets against my fingers, but to sleep was to be nothing. Maybe it was because I'd philosophize about sleep too much and poke holes through it. Why sleep? Why do humans sleep? What about the hours, nay, years that disappear under sleep. Who watches the moon when it is at its ripest in the wee hours? Who am I at 3 A.M.? I almost believed that if I stayed up late enough, something special might happen; a thought, a clue, a hope. I wanted to stay up really late and listen to long albums, read poetry at hours I never read poetry before, cut the blackness of midnight with a tiny song and put the patches of it in my pocket. There weren't any stars to reach out to, not in the city that kills stars with artificial light, the kind that only attract vermin insects. But there was something, something beautiful to catch in the net of my heart, so I believed. And to be caught by the net of sleep, to be caught in the black deep of sleep, caught and released each morning as though sleep were a kind of accident and it wasn't mercy that released me from never waking-up but the grace of correcting a mistake.... it was awful to sleep.
Continued in next post…
True true, I find it kind of relaxing, so I do it when I can. I think I first started at a friend of my parent's house, they had a pond and poles and minnows. Good times.
Right, I'm a people person in general, so I would have trouble with being so seperated. And yes to that as well. Though night in of itself is a beautiful thing, I love stars.
You have an interesting mind, very new and different. You like to learn a lot too.
No, go on. I don't mind. I may not be able to match your thought processing and output but I like to read it.
"have trouble being separated". Those are strong words. I'm sorry to hear that you have such difficulties. I suppose that you greatly enjoy talking to those around you, but what else do you enjoy with them? Cooking? Board games? Exploring place and trying new things? I'm just curious as to what you draw from that closeness and what is so painfully separating for you.
Hmm. I cannot claim that my thought process is either "new" or especially "different". If anything it is cultivated with the thoughts of others, and when I find a new feeling in myself I learn that others have felt it before me. At the very least I may admit that I have dug to some uneventful depth, but only with tools that have be used and sharpened before and no deeper than others as of yet. I am not especially exercised in thinking or reading. I spin a few words a day and call it good, but it is not special. Perhaps it is perfectionism speaking on my behalf, although I think it is closer to something worse, a kind of perfection idealistic mixture. I do crave very much to do so very much with words, yet find my words, really their sum together, so very inadequate. No, not inadequate, surely I have words adequate for the work I wish, it is something else. Something else missing, perhaps time to mature and cast a harder alloy of words to pierce what barrier there may be. Sometimes I see the edges, and sometimes I feel the core, but to arrive I have not yet become.
I do not know if “learning” is quite what I enjoy. I was never really good at school, although I had a short period of bloom in the subject of math while I was young, but I soon found out that my method that got me thus far crushed my understanding later on. Science was similar to math, but with route memorization I was able to pass. History I felt (the way it was taught that is) was nigh counterfeit in its hiding of glory. English Language was always confusing, I never quiet understood things like colons, semicolons, and paragraphs right. As the old saying goes “never let your schooling get in the way of your education”, and that word “educate” has a rich and meaningful background in Latin, better than “learn”. Perhaps I do not wish to learn (etymology from “following a track or tracked route), but I love to “educate”, meaning to develop myself, draw out and bring forth. I learned to cautiously re-appreciate math. Science is a wonderful horizon for me, both in understanding of impact, psychology, and the wonders of nature. History is a whole world of greatness and glory, the light of ages to shine, the countries of the world to learn from, the “cabinet of advisors” the greater thinkers and writers to befriend on my bookshelf. And Language as you already know is a subject that I relish to study and create with.
I appreciate your willingness to read. In fact I have wished to thank you again for your open ears and willing heart to listen, and now is a good time to do so. I appreciate the kindness that you have showed me and the good conversations that you have shared. I only hope that I have not been burdensome or boring with my words or a poor listener myself to what you may have to say or express. I do tend to begin a good reply slowly and then find myself at the end of it with a thousand words beyond the center of gravity of the original subject. Veering into psycho-babble or starting a stream-of-consciousness novel chapter is something I tend to try to trim to at least some extent. Perhaps I reach for fruit on the farthest branches, or I feel the need to explore the continent before naming the state, or perhaps I only talk too much and get away with it for saying a few things of indiscriminate worth. Whatever the case may be, I thank you for listening because it still means something good to me.
Right, they only good ones took Captain Jack's speech for Will to heart. Those were the closest results. The others were on Rhode isl, California, NC, and Pennsylvania. Though, thinking about it, it's possible I just used the wrong keys in the search engine. I didn't factor in something.
Lol. I bought that movie recently. It starts with a B and it is two words.
Good for you! Well it can't be Baylor so I'll have to go back to the drawing board.